Lesbo

Mom to Joey: "I saw on tv that if you dont have boyfriend by age 18 that means you are lesbian. DONT become a lesbian!"

Deer!

We're eating together and then a pack of 50 or so deer run across the backyard and my mom runs onto patio screaming "Hi! Hello!! Where are you going deer?? I like your white butts!"
"oh! look!! a dog is chasing it!!"
me: "Isn't that a coyote or something?"
mom: "No jen.. I know what dog look like."

Life lessons from Dad

me: "remember when I almost went to Emory."
Dad: "Forget about the past.. the past is beautiful."

haha, wise words from a wise father. He's so cute!!

Karaoke

My dad tried singing "Funky town" for karaoke .. somehow it became "wontchoo take me to..fuckytown?"
while my mom sang "moon river".. "wida den a meal"

straight from my mom's mouth

"I'm so glad I have four daughters and no sons. If I have son he call me crazy and then I cry."

Txts from Mom this week

no context required, because she sent all of them to me without prompting or introduction.

1) "Beautiful chittat was hungry"

2) Mom: "Good night lovely girl sexy cat is beside u sweet dream bless u amen <:X>"
Me: "What does the X symbol mean?"
Mom: "Mistake"

3) "Good holy morning May god bless you lovely chita moah moah moah <:)>"

geographically challenged

my mom, dad, and sister jen are driving to chicago today for my grandfather's memorial service.
we live in cleveland, so they are driving west. keep this in mind as you read the following conversation.

jen texted me part of the conversation from the car:
Mom: "Is this the way to New York?"
Dad: "What??!"
Mom: "I mean, where is New York?"
Dad: "Aigooo. You don't know that?!"

today's text from mother

To Christine:

"Bless u Love chita <;)>"


To Joey:

"Oooo rara bless u"

another day, another text....

I talked to my mom last night, in person, and she told me:
"I wanna be called yellow butterfly or hummingbird! because they can fly and sing!"
"mom, butterflies don't sing. and i'm not even sure if hummingbirds do."
"wellll, i still wanna be called by that, ok?!"
"ok, well what's my nickname then, mom?"
"ummm, oh i know. JUAN!"
".........no....."
"Ok, what about a cat like a cheetah?"
"yeah i guess that works."
"ok, i call you cheetah! cool!"


-----------
i'm at work today and receive a text from my mom:

"Oh hi, chiitta! xoxoxo love butterflys"

chiitta = cheetah

gotta love her Konglish interspersed with completely original emoticons lol.