Oh, my mother. English as a Second Language victim

I.

So upon my sister's move to her college dorm at NYU, my mother gave her this birthday card (her birthday was around the same time):

Top quotes: "Keep up a good spirit + Make new friend." and "Love others"

Because my sister is only going to find ONE other person to love her in the entirety of NYU. What faith my mom has in her daughters...

II.

Throughout our house, my mother has plastered the walls with pictures of the family. Literally plastered. I can't get a freaking cup of juice without being reminded of my childhood (short, uneven bangs, hello kitty clips, camel toe jorts and all)..

However, in my mother's bathroom.. I think she was a bit worried about her precious pictures getting ruined so she did this:

Yes, everyone, yes. That is cling wrap. That is CLING WRAP. We live in a freaking mansion and she has cling wrap hanging from her marble bathroom's mirror. Classy. Because buying frames just isn't good enough for her.

III.

Lastly, my mother also has notes written to herself placed all over the walls of the house. Bible verses, inspirational words, prayer requests, reminders for her "holy life."

This is what we found on one of her many "Remember" notes (PREPARE YOURSELF):

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

AHHHH!..... Oh, dear Lord. I wonder whether she actually understands what those are. I'm going to venture to say no, but I think it's mostly just to save my sanity...

OMG. FAIL.