Christmas holiday KAMANEO party

NO words can describe my parents dancing at the Korean Medical Association annual banquet..

or the michael jackson glove/hat that made it's way around the room... or Joey dancing with the president of KAMANEO/michael jackson wannabe and possibly making his year

Prepare Yourselves

The Annual KCPC Christmas Concert, as performed by my mom and her bible study group (scarves, pom-poms, and lone blue tie courtesy of my mom).

i really wish someone had videotaped this.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

my favorite shot (and you really must expand/blow up this photo to do it true justice):

Cake FAIL

My mom watched a Korean tv show last night about baking so today she decided to try and bake a cake, fudge marble cake to be exact. Unfortunately, I was at school until late, so she was left all alone to bake the cake by herself.

After school I went home to my defeated looking mom, and I asked her what was wrong.

"The cake explode in the oven!" she said.

I walked over to the oven and to my horror, I saw this:

"What did you DO to it, mom?" She showed me the back of the cake box and pointed to the word "batter."

"It says here put one cup butter in the cake!" she said, without a hint of recognition. "I wonder, why one whole cup butter? But I try to be honest to the box recipe so I put whole tub butter!"

"Mom, it says pour one cup of BATTER in the pan, not BUTTER," I said, pointing at the words.

"Oh, mistake," she said, smiling and laughing at her misstep. I went over to try a bite of the ruined cake, and to my surprise, my teeth felt something hard.

"Mom, are there walnuts or nuts in the cake?"

"Yes, after the cake started to explode, I thought, oh well, I'll put trail mix in!"

...just another day in the sitcom that is the Kim family.

Lesbian conspiracies

Another bundle of texts:

Mom: Hi

Joey: Hi. I have a test soon.

Mom: Haaaaaaaaaaaa sing a song !! Matataa ok no worry be happy mommy is so much love u !! U are my best lover!!!!!!!!!!

Joey: what? hahaha

Mom: Bless u !! U are my hero!!

...a week later

Mom: Is Emma lesbian?

Joey: What? No. Why

Mom: I found card in Christine closet

Joey: No, they are like sisters

Mom: For sure?

Joey: Yes

Mom: No lie

life lessons from dad:

"Dont worry about the past. The past is beeaaeautiful. " (while sipping on wine)

the texts continue..

text from mom: hello lunch make u happy.. lovely butterfly, we pray for u happy hamooney!!

me: halmuni, like grandma?

she meant harmony, not hamooney.

mom: happy, sing a song, coffee luv u

text from mom: how wonderful u are!! chris here joy john here hug u hugh u kiss u xoxoxoxo come home

Texts from Mom to Joey (September 20-today)

Mom's Vernacular:
Joey: I love you!
Mom: Wolllaa Wolllaa Wolllaa hooll a Wolllaa hooll

Mom's favorite activity:
Joey: How are you?
Mom: I am sosoooooo happy ... I go to bcbg

Mom's typical text greeting:
Joey: Hi
Mom: Hello ..beautiful ... sonnnnnnnnnnng....to youuuuuuuuu..Enjoy chocolate ... Haa. aka. Love u sosooooooo <8)>

Mom's Konglish:
Joey: What are you up to?
Mom: Okkkkkkkkkkky exercise
cleaninning..... Whorr ahhhh
Joey: Whor?
Mom: Thanka ... sim Sim he
Joey: I don't understand you.
Mom: Korean Sim.sim he*
*She wanted to write the korean word for "bored" which is pronounced "sheem sheem hae."

Mom's "modesty":
Joey: Oh, you are wonderful
Mom: I think sosooooooooo ... to

Mom's obsession with birds:
Joey: Mom, what's your favorite animal?
Mom: Big bird
Joey: what kind of bird?
Mom: *Harming bird .. haaaaaaaaaa
Joey: that's a small bird.
Mom: Has huge secret voice ... Got it..catch it



Mom: Good morning ... Smell the rrrrrain .. Feel the wind.. Harming bird is waiting ... Hahhhhhaaaaaaaa What do u eat
*By "Harming bird" she means hummingbird.


Mom's attempt at spelling:
Joey: Esther needs eyeglasses
Mom: Need ... Eye exam schulu llellya
Joey: haha
Mom: Eye exam schulu sullen esther

husband realtalk

"Good morning ... Chittat ... Have a beautiful day inthe park.. Hope to meet celebrity ... John is your Hubby ... John Is your Hubby ... ...Enjoy day
inthe park .. Love u kiss youuuuuuu xoxoxoxo Goodsweet"

"Hahhahaaha who is john?" (I don't know anyone named john, btw_)

"Old friend....see ..future Hus ... Xoxoxoxo got it . Hello catch it Hello catch it ..."

"Hahahahahhaha ok....."

Texts with Mom

We've been holding out some gems...

Mom's texts to Joey:

"Thankaaa you will be a huge sexy queen!! You will rules the Cleveland !!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hi i am so so so okay ... Have a huge wonderful day ..bless u ... Enjoy day ....see <:O>"

"Wolllaa Wolllaa Wolllaa hooll a Wolllaa hooll"

Conversation- via text- between Mom and Christine:

Friday night
Me: Good night :)
Mom: Bless u beautiful Good

Saturday morning
Mom:
"Fwd:
From: 3302198765
Sent: Sep 11 12:36am
Msg: Bless u beautiful Good"
Me: Hahah you're so funny. Whyd you resend that. I'm going to the us open today wuth julie
Mom: Ohhhhhhh whaaw 911 be careful have fun :$

Today's text from mom

"Good afternoon butterfly Steve"

.. my name is Christine

translation please

Mom's secret texts to Joey (her favorite daughter)

Joey: "hi how r u?"

Mom: "I feel wonderful . I have meeting at lender heaven for ka maneo"

Translation: "I have a meeting at Landerhaven Caterers for KAMANEO (Korean American Medical Assoc.)

______

Joey: "hi how r u?"

Mom: "Fantactic ya Hallelua amen bagel good Christine"

______

Joey: "ill be home late."
Mom: "Ok i made oh-dang nodduel just for u l"

(Translation: oh-ddaeng noodle, a Korean fishcake soup)

______

Joey: "hi what are you u doing today?"

Mom: "I have dinner at yasabi ! 6 .pm with Kauh and Dr Kwon Dr Kim Hong Yong 4406667133"

(Note: Yasabi should be Wasabi restaurant, and the random phone number is there because she probably copy and pasted their names from her address book and didn't realize that happened)

_____

Random text from Mom to Joey:

"Hi beautiful . Mom love u most ! Don!t worry you will be successful in Jesus time kiss hugh xoxoxoxotooI"

PETA

Mom: [frantic and screaming] "JOANNE! Belle [our cat] pooed in Daddy office!"
Joey: "Don't worry. I'll clean it."
Mom: "UGHHHHOH! Can I give her injectionnn?"
Joey: "What do you mean?"
Mom: "Dontchu know injection? Dontchu know what that mean?"
Joey: "No...."
Mom: "Aiyoo, how don't you know injection!!"
(This continues in same fashion for several minutes)
[Mom walks away, downstairs, frustrated and tells Esther that she "can't believee joey don't know the meaning of injection."]
Joey: "Mom, it means death. I know."
Mom: "No!!............... It means PEACE."
Joey: "What?"
Mom: "World peace!"


(Note: by injection, our mom means that she wants to give our cat a lethal injection herself...)

Texts with Mom

Christine: "Mom! I got the job! I got the paralegal job in New York!"

Mom: "Hallelua thank fully to you toofully"

Christine: "Love you Mommy!"

Mom: "Bless u how wonderful y are . So proud of u . This is miracle. love u how"

Texts from Mom

Joey: "Hi how r u"

Mom: "I Am fine eat good lunch pornnight"

Joey: "Haha thank u. Love u"

Mom: "Bless u beautiful lunch"

(july 7th, 12:08pm)

Old Memories from Bermuda cruise

1. Mom: [Entirely unprovoked] "When man poke you, he jus wan to get bijee!" (translation: he just wants to get busy).

2. One morning on our cruise, my sisters and I barge into my parents suite. We notice a sweater hanging over the screen of the computer on their desk. My mother is in the bathroom, so we ask my dad why a sweater is over their computer screen. He tries to hold back his laughter, but he says quietly, "Because Mommy didn't know how to turn off the computer, she put a sweater over top of it." FAIL.

3. For some reason, my mother loves the Today show (which we all know is the best quality news show on the air today.... ::hack + die::). A few years ago, my mom learned the term "skinny bitch" from the Today show (scintillating newscast). Anyways, the male dancers on the Bermuda cruise were of the flaming Chippendale's dancers breed, but for some reason, my mother couldn't help but keep saying over and over again that the dancers were "skinny bitch!" (pronounced skeeny beech!)... Thanks a lot Meredith Vieira.

Oh, my mother. English as a Second Language victim

I.

So upon my sister's move to her college dorm at NYU, my mother gave her this birthday card (her birthday was around the same time):

Top quotes: "Keep up a good spirit + Make new friend." and "Love others"

Because my sister is only going to find ONE other person to love her in the entirety of NYU. What faith my mom has in her daughters...

II.

Throughout our house, my mother has plastered the walls with pictures of the family. Literally plastered. I can't get a freaking cup of juice without being reminded of my childhood (short, uneven bangs, hello kitty clips, camel toe jorts and all)..

However, in my mother's bathroom.. I think she was a bit worried about her precious pictures getting ruined so she did this:

Yes, everyone, yes. That is cling wrap. That is CLING WRAP. We live in a freaking mansion and she has cling wrap hanging from her marble bathroom's mirror. Classy. Because buying frames just isn't good enough for her.

III.

Lastly, my mother also has notes written to herself placed all over the walls of the house. Bible verses, inspirational words, prayer requests, reminders for her "holy life."

This is what we found on one of her many "Remember" notes (PREPARE YOURSELF):

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

"KEGEL EXERCISE"

AHHHH!..... Oh, dear Lord. I wonder whether she actually understands what those are. I'm going to venture to say no, but I think it's mostly just to save my sanity...

OMG. FAIL.

T'ai chi on Father's Day

So at Greenhouse Tavern, a restaurant that was voted one of the best new restaurants in the entire country by Bon Appetit magazine and voted one of the best in Cleveland as well, my father performs what he considers is T'ai Chi.

He's quite talented... NOT

I don't know whether it's that obvious in the vid, but he's DOUBLE FISTING a GreyGoose martini and a beer (as per usual....)

Youth

Mom, Dad, and I went to the Warren house to do some yardwork. While I'm shoveling mulch into wheelbarrows and weeding, mom is...yes folks... she's swinging! hahah..

Later in the day, a dragonfly is stuck in our house, so dad decides to catch it.

This is him... all excited..

our parents are so cute!!!

what a morning

3am text from christine: "hey will you make sure i'm awake when you wake up at 730am? I am on the couch. thanks. BTW: I can hear Joey growling/hissing in her sleep in the next room. aha

at 730am: I wake christine up from couch, but she says in her sleep "i'm sorry. I have no idea what's going on."
me: why'd you sleep on couch?
christine: "I dont have proof yet, but I swear there's cat hair over there."
hahaha

move her to the bed: she grabs my alarm clock and says, "hey! is this mine or yours?"
and I say: mine.
christine: "830 please."
haha..

I tell christine later... she has no recollection. ;)
we have quite the sleep talking family.

HMart Shoes

My mother came to pick me up from college today for graduation

Wearing Rocawear sunglasses that she bought from Burlington Coat Factory (because she lost her real Dior sunglasses- quite the replacement..) And pleather, platform, ridged shoes from H- MART (the korean grocery store..).

Btw, my mom also bought orange bedazzled BCBG terry-cloth zip-up.... My sisters made her return it.

I dont trust u!

It's 11pm and I'm leaving the house to meet Joey for drinks. Joey decides to wait at the end of the driveway instead of pulling up because she's on her way home from school to pick me up. As I'm walking outside, I tell mom I'm going for drinks with Joey at Paladar.

Mom: "What? no you're not."
me: "yes I am."
mom: then why aren't you using car?
me: joey's here to pick me up.
mom: where??
me: end of driveway
mom: you lie. you going on a date!
me: I swear to God, mom.
mom: how can I trust you?

me: running down driveway.
mom - running after me in her silky PJ's and fluffy slippers, hair a mess, no makeup on.
me: mom, you're crazy.
mom: "show me!! i want to see who's in car!"
me: "joeeeyyy!!"

joey rolls down window: "hi mom."
mom (with disappointed look on her face): oh, hello joey.
me: I told you! hhahaha.
joey: what's going on?
me: mom thought I was going on date
mom: looking into back seat for hiding people.
joey: you wanna check the trunk mom?
mom: yes.

trunk open - mom peering inside.
me: seriously??

THANK GOD I wasn't really going on a date.
that's all I have to say.
:P

logical progression in whose mind?

my parents bought 3 lily flower plants to put around the house.

me: Pretty! Lilies are Christine's favorite flower
mom: I will pray for her.

Living at home

So, I finished med school, and I have to live at home until I start working in June..

Day 1: I'm wearing sweatpants and tshirt around the house..
Mom: Go change! I don't want to feel like you are a bum hanging around the house. If you are going to stay home, wear something nice.

Day2: Eating 2 scrambled eggs for breakfast. (rest of the carton is full)
mom: You are eating too many of my eggs, go to heinens and buy another carton today since you ate so much.

Day 2.5: Dad want you to water flowers. Its good for you to see beautiful flowers. that's how you can stay beautiful.

Day 3: If you are going to eat my dinner, you need to vacuum whole house. Thats da least you can do.

Day 3 in the afternoon after I vacuum:
Text from mom: "Hi butterfly. Sorry I was not nice to you. bless u love u butterfly 3 enjoy your lovely day. :)"

aaahhh... the joys of mother..bipolar does not begin to describe her.

I'm Spicy!

Jen: "mom, you are pisces, and I am an aries..those signs usually don't get along."
mom: "what? i'm spicy!! am i? me and christine are spicy.
jen: pisces!!! not spicy!!
puhahaha

Lesbo

Mom to Joey: "I saw on tv that if you dont have boyfriend by age 18 that means you are lesbian. DONT become a lesbian!"

Deer!

We're eating together and then a pack of 50 or so deer run across the backyard and my mom runs onto patio screaming "Hi! Hello!! Where are you going deer?? I like your white butts!"
"oh! look!! a dog is chasing it!!"
me: "Isn't that a coyote or something?"
mom: "No jen.. I know what dog look like."

Life lessons from Dad

me: "remember when I almost went to Emory."
Dad: "Forget about the past.. the past is beautiful."

haha, wise words from a wise father. He's so cute!!

Karaoke

My dad tried singing "Funky town" for karaoke .. somehow it became "wontchoo take me to..fuckytown?"
while my mom sang "moon river".. "wida den a meal"

straight from my mom's mouth

"I'm so glad I have four daughters and no sons. If I have son he call me crazy and then I cry."

Txts from Mom this week

no context required, because she sent all of them to me without prompting or introduction.

1) "Beautiful chittat was hungry"

2) Mom: "Good night lovely girl sexy cat is beside u sweet dream bless u amen <:X>"
Me: "What does the X symbol mean?"
Mom: "Mistake"

3) "Good holy morning May god bless you lovely chita moah moah moah <:)>"

geographically challenged

my mom, dad, and sister jen are driving to chicago today for my grandfather's memorial service.
we live in cleveland, so they are driving west. keep this in mind as you read the following conversation.

jen texted me part of the conversation from the car:
Mom: "Is this the way to New York?"
Dad: "What??!"
Mom: "I mean, where is New York?"
Dad: "Aigooo. You don't know that?!"

today's text from mother

To Christine:

"Bless u Love chita <;)>"


To Joey:

"Oooo rara bless u"

another day, another text....

I talked to my mom last night, in person, and she told me:
"I wanna be called yellow butterfly or hummingbird! because they can fly and sing!"
"mom, butterflies don't sing. and i'm not even sure if hummingbirds do."
"wellll, i still wanna be called by that, ok?!"
"ok, well what's my nickname then, mom?"
"ummm, oh i know. JUAN!"
".........no....."
"Ok, what about a cat like a cheetah?"
"yeah i guess that works."
"ok, i call you cheetah! cool!"


-----------
i'm at work today and receive a text from my mom:

"Oh hi, chiitta! xoxoxo love butterflys"

chiitta = cheetah

gotta love her Konglish interspersed with completely original emoticons lol.

oh, the joys of T9

Today was a huge blizzard, and my car got stuck in our driveway.
After my sister dropped me off at school, I texted mom to see if she had gotten my car out of the driveway. Here is the text message conversation:

me: Hi mom. Did you get the car out?
Mom: Yes
me: Cool! how did u do it?
Mom: Mammogram
me: ?!?!
Mom: Mistake Mamm did


T9 makes my mom text crazy things, lol.
*on another note, I set up her first email acct. yesterday night. per her request, her email is JinButterfly@gmail.com. i taught her how to send emails (took hours). this is the email she sent me today:

TODAY IS MY 54 BIRTHDAY

Mom's learning to email.

Email from mom - jinbutterfly@gmail.com:

"HI MOM LOVE YOU. . I PRAY FOR YOU.
GOOD NIGHT!!
LOVE- MOM"

PUHAHAHHA.. did she just say hi to herself? And is her email really jin butterfly? Oh mom.. I love you.. Happy birthday!! :)

txts from mom

2/13/10 1:15:50pm

"Hi beautiful hap ppyy v a lanterns day <:X>"

translated: happy valenterns day
translated further: happy valentine's day

2/13 3:01pm

"Happy valentine i fix it :<"

HAHAHAHA

It was a good day.

So my sisters and I have this thing we do.. we like to ride around in the convertible singing and dancing to our "song" for the year. Sometimes we late at night on taco bell runs..

This is one day we decided to drive around then hang out in the park.

It was a great day.

How cute are my parents? They carved our family initials into a tree at the park. :)

Not for readers under 18 yrs of age

So I return my mom's call today, and I hear water in the background while she's talking to me.

me: Hey mom, what's that sound?
mom: oh, I'm in the shower.
me: uhh.. ok.. why don't you call me later then.
mom: Oh, no. it's okay. Don't go. I get lonely in the shower. I can just hold the phone with my left hand, rinse with my right hand.
me: ew.

LMFAO.

happily ever after

I come home from school one holiday, and my mom runs up to me and says she's soooo excited because she got a nice book on clearance for $5 at Barnes & Noble.
"Happily Ever After".. so I decide to rip off the $5 clearance sticker on the cover just to make it prettier, only to find the rest of the title to say..."how to find peace after a divorce. a book of devotions."

to find this funny, one needs to understand how happily married my mom is and how she would never ever think about getting a divorce. my mom bought a book to help her with her English, unknowingly buying a Christian book on dealing with divorce. Quotes from the book: "Jesus Christ is with you even though you may feel so alone after the failure of your marriage." but after oh mom! Gotta love her!

the best part:
Me: "Mom, did you know this book is for divorcees?"
Mom: "What? oh really??? oh, good! I'm sure one of my daughters may need to read it someday. you never know jennipuh! it'sah goood chance. i just prepare!"

just a taste...

while we are under construction.

the amazingness of my mom's elvis impersonation.

no words.